The Day That Went Missing: A Family’s Story

40 years later, the author documents his own inquest to how his 9 year old brother drowned, and how his family dealt with the death.

Haunting cover, haunting book.

40 years ago off the Cornwall coast while on a family holiday, two young brothers were swimming together. The boys were suddenly in over their heads, and the younger brother drowned. The Day That Went Missing (289 pages, 2018) was written by the surviving brother in an attempt to address what happened that fateful day and the way in which the family dealt with it.

As he reached middle age, Richard Beard realized he needed to confront his brother’s death and explore why he never allowed himself to grieve. For decades Nicky’s name was not mentioned in the family, which included his two parents and two other brothers as well as grandparents. Richard felt the mystery of the details of the day and his long-stifled emotions were negatively impacting his adult relationships. He decided he needed find out what exactly happened to his brother, and how his family reacted after the tragic death.

Beard embarks on his own “inquest” into Nicky’s death, interviewing surviving family members and digging into family memorabilia and history. He returns to the Cornish coast and tries to find the exact beach on which the drowning occurred. He visits the cottage the family had been staying in, and meets one of the rescuers who were dispatched that day when the call for help went out. He pores over any information he can find out about Nicky – his report cards, his letters home from boarding school -in an attempt to better know his brother.

Ultimately Beard uncovers much about his brother, his family and their dynamics, and what actually happened that day. The family’s immediate reaction to Nicky’s death is finally explored; learning of this reaction helps make sense of their decades-long avoidance of discussing Nicky.

The book is haunting and sad yet very well-written and satisfying. I read the Kindle version so unfortunately do not have to lend out!

The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind

Malawian boy triumphs against odds to survive famine, teach himself physics, and use ingenuity to improve his family’s life.

This week I read another memoir – make that 3 in a row! Had been meaning to read for a while, saw there is now a Netflix movie so I hustled to read this. I was also scoping it out as there is a young adult version that I’d like to get my kids to read.

Disclaimer: This book is set in Malawi and thus I was inclined to love it. I spent two years as Peace Corps volunteer teaching secondary mathematics from 1993-1995. I was posted to Ekwendeni, a small town in the northern region of the country. William Kamkwamba was a small child when I was there and lived in a different region of the country, but I fully related to and enjoyed his depiction of Malawian life.

Right: Me, in front of my house in the teachers’ compound… Below: Student life at school…. Still working on figuring out captions and photos LOL.

His memoir describes the life of a typical Malawian boy (a girl’s life would be very different!) growing up as a subsistence farmer. His family grows just enough maize to feed themselves with little left over to save to plant for the next year. There is one maize crop a year and it must feed the family for the entire year. There are other vegetables grown, and a bit of tobacco, but to a Malawian, maize and nsima (porridge) are life. A drought occurs in 2000 and the maize crops fail across the country. The government does nothing to intervene and people starve and die. Somehow William and his family manage to survive.

Following this horrific ordeal, William decides to do something to improve his family’s situation. As he could not pay for school, William teaches himself about electricity and physics. He decides to build a wind-powered device which will generate electricity and hopefully one day power an irrigation system so that his family won’t have to worry about lack of rains again. His entire village thinks he is misala, or crazy, but he perseveres.

It is a beautifully told story, full of sly humor despite the poverty and circumstances. I loved the description of the schools William attended as I taught in one so very similar. He describes not being able to pay the school fees and then hiding and sneaking into the classroom anyway, until he’s finally caught after 2 weeks. I was NOT a fan of ejecting kids because of lack of payment and happily hid kids in the class if I was able to. I had two Form 2 (or Sophomore) classes each with a zillion kids (ok maybe 150)…. seriously this is one of them:

One of my Form 2 classes, more than 100 kids all on the floor.

By the time the kids get to Form 4 they are styling with desks but still crammed – 200 in this one class.

You will enjoy this book if you happen to have been a Peace Corps Volunteer in Malawi… or if you want to imagine life in another culture…and/or if you are a fan of plucky heroes who overcome great odds to do something really amazing and great.

How Would You React?

Irresistible memoir that reconstructs Dani Shapiro’s sense of self.

In January I read a compelling Wall St Journal review about Dani Shapiro’s new memoir and had to snap it up when I saw it at Words, our local bookstore. Inheritance A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love (2019, 249 pages) is about Ms Shapiro’s shock at learning via DNA testing that she is not biologically related to her father, and the aftermath as she investigates her history and comes to terms with it. It’s an irresistible story, flowing easily and quickly, and is satisfying in the end.

Ms Shapiro grew up as an only child in an orthodox Jewish home and her Jewishness is a huge part of her identity. She finds herself unmoored as she begins to unravel how/why she is not her father’s biological daughter. (Her parents are now both deceased). She and her husband piece together once-forgotten comments and old memories. She consults with very old relatives, friends, and family rabbis who were alive at the time of her birth who may shed light on the circumstances of her conception and birth. Internet searches and genealogical sleuths help them with their investigation.

The theme of being “other” runs throughout the book. Dani Shapiro always felt like an outsider in her own family and within her Jewish culture for reasons she couldn’t quite name. This is a feeling most of us can relate to.

I was really touched by the love she encounters throughout the year she spends unwinding everything. Love is a big part of this memoir, and it is beautiful.

There are a few points in the book where I wanted to say – “Enough already, get over it, it’s not that big a deal!” to the author. (You have an amazing life, family and career...It’s not like you had to claw your way out of Camden!)

But even with that, I really enjoyed the story. Ms. Shapiro is a well-known author who has published both fiction and other memoirs, so she knows how to research and tell a good story. Of course I won’t reveal what happens or how she gains resolution, you’ll have to find that out for yourself!

Please let me know if you have read and enjoyed any of her other books. I’ve read her pieces in magazines but this was my first book by her. I’m interested in trying another!

Reporting Back – I Love the Love that Darnell Moore Embodies

Darnell Moore came to our book group discussion – No Ashes in the Fire.

I wrote recently about how I loved No Ashes in the Fire by Black LGBTQ activist Darnell Moore. Yesterday I was able to break away from usual Saturday activities (which included 4 hoops games and two birthdays including my oldest son’s) to join other members of the SOMA Justice book club in a special event. We got to meet Mr. Moore and hear him speak about his life and his experience writing his memoirs.

How to describe the experience? Simply, love.

Love is the central theme and feeling that Mr. Moore conveys in both his writing and his speaking. He describes the love his mother and family has shown for him as Radical Black Love. He was loved intensely for himself, as an LGBTQ individual, even before he was able to love himself and admit to his family that he is LGBTQ.

He also spoke about his relationship with his father and his friendships with other black students while he was at Seton Hall. It was clear though that his mother’s love and acceptance allowed him to love himself and to stop punishing himself for his perceived sin of being LGBTQ.

Hearing him speak was to feel his love, it was a truly moving experience.

Coming of Age Black & Free in America – A Memoir

Compelling memoir about LGBTQ Black activist Darnell Moore.

BLM, LGBTQ Autor
Darnell L. Moore, photo by Eric Carter in the NYT.

I just devoured Darnell L. Moore’s memoir No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black & Free in America (2018, 256 pages) and highly recommend it for several reasons.

Love – I love the love described throughout the book. Moore is not always aware of the love of others and needs to learn how to accept it. His path to awareness and acceptance is the central theme of the book. Self love, black love, parental love, family love, love between friends, romantic love, label-defying love – all of these are examined in beautiful writing. I especially adored his relationship with his mom – though you’ll have to read the book to get to my favorite scene between them.

Education/awareness – Moore writes extensively of his childhood and adolescence in Camden NJ. Camden is generally known as a blighted city but now I’ll look at it much differently. Moore describes the city with love and describes how the neglect of elected officials lead to its decline.

SOMA Justice chose this book for its February book club and Darnell Moore will be attending the discussion next week.

SOMA Justice chose this book for its February book club and Darnell Moore will be attending the discussion next week…PM me for more information!

Black Lives Matter – As a white woman, the book gave me tremendous insight about growing up as black boy in our white-centered world. Worthwhile reading for anybody seeking to understand where other people are coming from. The epilogue also describes how Moore helped organized Ferguson MO rallies after Michael Brown’s murder.

BOTTOM LINE – Fast, worthwhile read. I read it on my Kindle App so don’t have to lend.